BP's Oil Spill song

This song is called BP’s Oil Spill, and it's about BP, and the


Oil Spill, but BP’s Oil Spill is not the name of the Oil Spill,

that's just the name of the song, and that's why I called the song BP's

Oil Spill.



You can get anything you want at BP’s Oil Spill

You can get anything you want at BP’s Oil Spill

Swim right in it's around the back

Just a half a mile from the oil rig stack

You can get anything you want at BP’s Oil Spill stack



Now it all started two May 24th 2010, was on - when my friend and I went up to visit BP at the Oil Spill, but BP doesn't live in the Oil Spill, they live in the

Mansion nearby the Oil Spill, in the bell-tower, with Tony Hayward and

Fasha the dog. And livin' in the bell tower like that, they got a lot of

room downstairs where the clean water used to be in. Havin' all that room,

seein' as how they took out all the clean water, they decided that they didn't

have to take out their oil for a long time.



We got up there, we found all the oil in there, and we decided it'd be

a friendly gesture for us to take the oil down to the gulf. So

we took the half a ton of oil, put it in the back of a red Grady white

Fishing boat took shovels and buckets and implements of destruction and headed on toward the Gulf Stream.



Well we got there and there was a big sign and a chain across across the

Gulf saying, "Closed to Polluters." And we had never heard of a gulf

closed before, and with tears in our eyes we sailed off

into the sunset looking for another place to put the oil.



We didn't find one. Until we came to a side of the gulf, and off the side of the

side gulf there was another fifteen foot wave and at the bottom of the

wave there was another spill of oil. And we decided that one big spill

is better than two little spills, and rather than bring that one up we

decided to pour our's in.



That's what we did, and sailed back to the rig, had a thanksgiving

dinner that couldn't be beat, went to sleep and didn't get up until the

next morning, when we got a phone call from officer Obama. He said, "Hayward, we found your name on an oil can at the bottom of a half a ton of

oil, and just wanted to know if you had any information about it." And

I said, "Yes, sir, Officer Obama, I cannot tell a lie, I put that oil can

under that spill."



After speaking to Obama for about fourty-five minutes on the telephone we

finally arrived at the truth of the matter and said that we had to go down

and lick up the oil, and also had to go down and speak to him at the

White House. So we got in the red Grady white Fishing Boat with the

shovels and pails and implements of destruction and headed on toward the

Presidents White House.



Now friends, there was only one or two things that Obama coulda done at

the White House, and the first was he could have given us a medal for

being so brave and honest on the telephone, which wasn't very likely, and

we didn't expect it, and the other thing was he could have bawled us out

and told us never to be seen drilling oil around the vicinity again,

which is what we expected, but when we got to the President’s White House

there was a third possibility that we hadn't even counted upon, and we was

both immediately arrested. Handcuffed. And I said "Obama, I don't think I

can lick up the oil with these handcuffs on." He said, "Shut up, Hayward.

Get in the back of the patrol car."



And that's what we did, sat in the back of the patrol car and drove to the

quote Scene of the Crime unquote. I want tell you about the Gulf of Mexico where this happened here, they got a lot of bouys and signs, two police officers, and one police car, but when we got to the

Scene of the Crime there was 1200 boats and three hundred police cars,

being the biggest oil spill since the Exxon Valdez, and everybody wanted to

get in the newspaper story about it. And they was using up all kinds of

government equipment that they had hanging around the federal officers station.

They was taking oil samples, water samples, salad oil samples, and

they took twenty seven thousand eight-by-ten colour glossy photographs with circles and deep sea video and arrows and a paragraphs on the back of each one explaining what each

one was to be used as evidence against us. Took pictures of the approach,

the getaway, the northwest corner the southwest corner and that's not to

mention the aerial photography.



After the ordeal, we went back to the jail. Obama said he was going to put

us in the cell. Said, "Hayward, I'm going to put you in the cell, I want your

wallet and your belt." And I said, "Obama, I can understand you wanting my

wallet so I don't have any money to spend in the cell, but what do you

want my belt for?" And he said, "Hayward, we don't want any hangings." I

said, "Obama, did you think I was going to hang myself for Polluting America?"

Obama said he was making sure, and friends Obama was, cause he took out the

toilet seat so I couldn't hit myself over the head and drown, and he took

out the toilet paper so I couldn't bend the bars roll out the - roll the

toilet paper out the window, slide down the roll and have an escape. Obama

was making sure, and it was about four or five hours later that BP

(remember BP? It's a song about BP), BP came by and with a few

nasty words to Obama on the side, bailed us out of jail, and we went back

to the oil rig, had a another thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat,

and didn't get up until the next morning, when we all had to go to court.



We Sailed in, sat down, Obama came in with the twenty seven thousand eight-by-ten

colour glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back

of each one, sat down. Man came in said, "All rise." We all stood up,

and Obama stood up with the twenty seven thousand eight-by-ten colour glossy

pictures, and the judge Sailed in sat down with a seeing eye dog, and he

sat down, we sat down. Obama looked at the seeing eye dog, and then at the

twenty seven thousand eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with circles and arrows

and a paragraph on the back of each one, and looked at the seeing eye dog.

And then at twenty seven thousand eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with circles

and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one and began to cry,

'cause Obama came to the realization that it was a typical case of Oil Company payoff justice, and there wasn't nothing he could do about it, and the

judge wasn't going to look at the twenty seven thousand eight-by-ten colour glossy

pictures with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each

one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us. And

we was fined $50,000 and had lick up the oil in the sun, but thats not

what I came to tell you about.



Came to talk about deep water drilling,



They got a building down Washington D.C, it's called the oil drilling permit office,

where you buy in, you get injected, inspected, detected, infected,

neglected and selected. I went down to get my oil rig examination one

day, and I Swam in, I sat down, got good and drunk the night before, so

I looked and felt my best when I went in that morning. `Cause I wanted to

look like the Oil King kid from BP, man I wanted, I wanted

to feel like the all-, I wanted to be the Oil King from BP,

and I Swam in, sat down, I was hung down, brung down, hung up, and all

kinds o' mean nasty ugly things. And I walked in and sat down and they gave

me a piece of paper, said, "Hayward, see the phsychiatrist, room 604."



And I went up there, I said, "Shrink, I want to pollute. I mean, I wanna, I

wanna pollute. Pollute. I wanna, I wanna see, I wanna see oil and slime and

grease and dead birds in my teeth. Eat dead oily bodies. I mean pollute, Pollute,

Pollute, Pollute." And I started jumpin up and down yelling, "Pollute, Pollute," and

he started jumpin up and down with me and we was both jumping up and down

yelling, "Pollute, Pollute." And the Coast Guard came over, pinned a medal on me,

sent me down the hall, said, "You're our Hayward."